Finding Your Fortress of Solitude: Why Parents Need Time for Themselves

Superman had his Fortress of Solitude—a place where he could retreat, reflect, and regain his strength before returning to save the day. While we might not be fighting off supervillains, parents face their own daily battles—work, household responsibilities, and the constant needs of their children. Just like Superman, we need our own Fortress of Solitude, a space to recharge so we can show up as the best versions of ourselves for our families.

As parents, we’re often pulled in every direction. We want to be present for our kids, supportive of our spouses or partners, and dependable at work. But somewhere in the chaos of daily life, we forget that taking care of ourselves is just as important as taking care of everyone else.

And here’s the truth: if we’re running on empty, we can’t be the dads, moms, parents, or friends we want to be.

That’s why it’s essential to carve out time for ourselves—a chance to recharge, refocus, and reconnect. Think of it as finding your Fortress of Solitude. Superman had his; why shouldn’t we? It’s not about escaping your responsibilities but giving yourself the energy and clarity to face them with purpose and joy.

Why You Need Time for Yourself

1. Refill Your Cup: Taking time for yourself is not selfish. It’s necessary. Just like you can’t pour from an empty cup, you can’t be the dad, mom, or partner your family needs if you’re constantly drained.

   
   

2. Set an Example: When your kids see you prioritizing self-care, they learn the importance of balance. You’re teaching them that taking care of their mental, emotional, and physical health is valuable.

   
   

3. Be Present and Patient: Time for yourself helps reduce stress and frustration. When you’ve had a chance to recharge, you’re more patient and engaged with your family.

A Special Note for Moms

Moms, whether you’re working full-time, staying at home, or managing a combination of both, finding your Fortress of Solitude is just as critical as it is for men and fathers. Stay-at-home moms often face the challenge of never-ending demands from the household and kids, while working moms juggle career responsibilities and family life. Both deserve moments to themselves to breathe, reflect, and recharge. Whether it’s taking a walk, spending quiet time reading, or engaging in a hobby you love, your Fortress of Solitude can be your lifeline to greater peace and fulfillment.

Ideas for Your Fortress of Solitude

Your Fortress of Solitude doesn’t have to be a literal ice palace (though how cool would that be?). It can be anything that gives you peace and fulfillment. Here are some ideas:

• The Gym: A place to work out frustrations, boost your energy, and focus on your health.

• Yoga or Meditation: Quiet moments to center your mind and find inner peace.

• Worship or Service: Spending time in a sacred place to you or serving others can help you feel connected to something greater than yourself.

• Get outside: A simple walk (with or without the dog) can do wonders for your mental clarity.

• Hobbies: Whether it’s playing guitar, building something in the garage, or even gaming, find something that brings you joy.

Steps to Start Prioritizing Yourself

Taking time for yourself doesn’t have to be overwhelming. Here are some small steps to get started:

1. Start Small: Set your alarm 15 minutes earlier for a week. Use that time for something you enjoy—stretching, reading, or sipping a Diet Coke in peace.

2. Schedule It: Add “me time” to your calendar a few days a week. Treat it like any other commitment. Communicate with your family, especially spouse or significant other about it so you’re on the same page.

3. Be Consistent: Building a habit takes time. Even if it’s just a few minutes a day, consistency is key.

4. Involve Your Family: Let your partner and kids know why this time is important. You might even inspire them to find their own ways to recharge.

5. Release the Guilt: Remind yourself that taking care of you is taking care of them. You’ll come back from your Fortress of Solitude more energized, more patient, and more present.

My Fortress of Solitude

For years, I have let myself feel guilty for anything that I did for myself because I felt like I should be with my wife and kids. A few years ago, I decided to do the Lamb of God and I was the role of Peter. I struggled to accept it though because of the time commitment for rehearsals. My sweet wife never once has made me feel guilty for doing things I enjoy, it all comes from my own ego and pride. I will say that when I did take the time for me to do that musical production, I felt like a new person. I was doing something just for me and I truly think it helped me be a better husband and father.

I don't really game, or regularly hang out with "the guys" but I do go to a choir practice every week and that is "me time." I am working on setting up goals and times for me to get up earlier so I have some quiet time before the kids get up. That is a little harder as I have never been the best morning person, but I'd love to identify as one.

For me, my Fortress of Solitude isn't a big deal and most of the time looks like a drive to pick up the kids from gymnastics. This time is precious where I can think, listen to music, pray, or just enjoy silence. In the past, I felt guilty about stepping away, especially when I knew Jayme had her hands full with the kids. But I realized that when I took even 15 - 30 minutes to focus on myself, I came back more focused, happier, and ready to jump back into parent mode. It’s not always perfect, but it’s worth it.

Encouragement for Other Dads, Moms, and Parents

If you’ve been putting yourself last, it’s time to change that. Start small, be intentional, and know that taking time for yourself is one of the best ways to show up for your family. Your Fortress of Solitude is waiting—you just have to step inside.

So, dads, moms, and parents, what does your Fortress of Solitude look like? Let me know in the comments or share your ideas for recharging and reconnecting. Let’s help each other build stronger, happier families by taking care of ourselves first.